When to Ask & Other Attendant Questions
Hi gals! Thanks to Cara, I can now post. Wahoo! My question is: How soon should you ask your attendants? I've already rushed and asked my sister to be my MOH...but I have up to 4 other girls to ask. We haven't set a date, but are sure it's Fall of 2007. It will be here in MA (somewhere) Should I ask them now, or wait until 1 year before?
Also, is 5 attendants too many? I thought I'd only have 3, but now think I can't exclude these other two girls, and would love back ups just in case. Any thoughts?
One more question in response to the Groomsman Gift post....what's a great bridesmaid gift that's not too expensive but doesn't seem "cheap". Any good package spa deals out there?
Thanks in advance ladies!
posted by Tammy @ 11:37 AM
5 Comments:
Hi Tammy! You should ask the other girls whenever you please. I don't think there is set etiquette as to when to ask someone to be in your wedding. I think the sooner the better. I had my girls set since I was about 11 lol.. with the addition of a couple. My cousin's fiance just asked me to be her matron of honor.. her wedding is November 2007. So it's never too early to ask. 5 attendants isn't too many. It really depends on your preference and budget (think about costs of bouquets, etc.. )If I ever decide to have my ceremony, I have 3 and a half girls... the half is my baby sister (not so baby she is 11!)... And to answer your last question... any gift from you the bride, your attendants will appreciate and love. I bought all the girls their BM dresses. But give them a gift that reflects who you are and whom they are to you. Hope this helps! Happy plannin!
Thanks for all the support gals! I think I have decided on 4 max. It will more than likely end up being only three. As long as my two "1st choice" maids say yes, then I'm good. I have my MOH. It is a budget things. Can't really afford 5. ;-(
Does anyone have an opinion on if the MOH should have a different color dress than the other girls, or is it better to have uniformity?
Hi Tammy! I asked all of my girls by the end of December, after we got engaged in November... a little less than a year before the wedding. Unless you're really concerned that something will change, you can ask them whenever you want. I also support asking all of and only those girls who are most important to you. It's not important to have even numbers or anything like that. I'm also not sure what costs you're worried about having all the BMs you'd like? Contrary to what some of the crazies on boston.com are saying, it's 100% okay to ask them to pay for a dress and shoes, along with their travel to and stay at the wedding. The only thing you'd be responsible for for them is some kind of gift... gifts need not be expensive, just heartfelt. Anythinig you take the time to pick out that you really think your girls will love is a great gift. Even something as simple as a book you inscribe for them with their favorite bottle of wine is a great, and inexpensive, gift. Sok makes a good point about flowers, but they need not be expensive either. Better to have all the girls you love with you and slightly smaller bouquets than to exclude someone for fear of the cost. This is just my feeling... I say all the time that you can have a beautiful wedding on a very tight budget. It's just about choosing what's important to you and being a good shopper :)
Re: dresses.... every single one of my girls is wearing a different dress. My MOH's dress is further distinguised because we reversed the color scheme of the top (it's a 2-piece dress) from what the other girls are wearing. This is just my preference... I really prefer things that coordinate rather than match, and I wanted a little something special for my MOH. It's not necessary, just a style choice. I think it used to be more common to have the MOH dress stand out, and that trend fell by the wayside for a while.
Hope you're enjoying your engagement so far! :)
Cara & Andrea:
Cara-thanks for making me feel better about the costs. Yes, I'm one that's been guilted by boston.com into thinking it's not fair to make the girls spend so much on everything. I certainly don't expect pro make-up and hair, but could never afford shoes/dresses for all. As it is, I'm getting worried about the cost of the wedding altogether! My Dad isn't very cooperative when it comes to money. But it's nice to know I can go "heartfelt" instead of "expensive" for the gifts. I'm already all about DIY bouquets. I like your idea about separates. I may need to do that for them because one of my girls is on the "larger" side. So far the dresses I'm looking at are very "reasonable". Most between $150-175.
Andrea- We have the same wedding! I'm thinking chocolate dresses too! I love your idea about a colored sash or something to set apart the MOH from the other girls. I did want the uniformity of all matching dresses, while having her stand out. Great idea! Love it! Thanks.
I am guilty of complaining about how much I spent on my cousin's wedding in February. I only complained because I was the MOH and she never consulted me about any part of her wedding (yes I am still hurting from that)but she consulted her FSIL. I usually am not the jealous type but this hit me hard because we're like sisters and we grew up together, went to high school together, prom, BF's, the whole 9 yards. Granted I lived in MA and she is in CA, it still hurt. Anyways.. sidetracked. What I am trying to get at is, although I complained (and complained I did and do), I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I'd spend as much as she wanted me to because that's how much I love her. So don't feel guilty about possibly making them pay for stuff. Trust me, they will think it is worth it in the end.
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